2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It's never too late to be topless.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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