shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
