Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
