dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
