my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
