I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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