last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
