I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
