Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
