is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
