I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
