he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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