when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
