fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
