Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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