So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize