forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
