I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
