How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
