I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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