im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
