i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
