You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize