So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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