I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
