I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
