Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
