Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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