Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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