I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize