there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
