And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
