he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I touched a dick in church today
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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