yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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