I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
