oh god the rape fog is back!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
