Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
