Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
