So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
