Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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