I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
