Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
