dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
