The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
