you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
