so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
