if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
