I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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