I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
