My sheets look like a crime scene.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you win again, gameday.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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