i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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