Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
