yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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