I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
