well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize