So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
