You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
