ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
