turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
