then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
