take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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