We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
