idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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