Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize