Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
