I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
