Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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